It’s been just over 1 year since I asked my husband for a divorce.  

The truth is, I hardly knew myself when I married him. I had been laser-focused on my career in Hollywood since I was 19 years old, then momentarily unglued from my computer at age 33 and married someone after only 5 uninformative months together. I will spare you the lines about “hindsight” and just say that the last year has been spent working hard on forgiving myself for the countless mistakes I have made (even before marrying my ex-husband) that stem from generational trauma and a profound lack of self-care, and now trying to learn from these mistakes. It’s a weird bow to put on your 30s, but a bow nonetheless.

My life is full of swings and misses. 

YCOSMETICS was born in 2018 as a makeup concept that flopped harder than my libido when a man calls me “intimidating”. I don’t blame the pandemic for my failure as a color cosmetics brand. I just did everything wrong. Literally.

I thought about quitting. Who wouldn’t? But like any mistake, there is hopefully some degree of knowledge to be gained if you’re lucky (or remotely interested in self-awareness, which I am on most days). 

I stood there, alone in a cloud of smoke from my proverbial dumpster fire of a brand, questioning, “Why did I even try to do color cosmetics? I don’t even wear makeup!” The hardest thing about true self–reflection is being met with profound feelings of being a bonehead. It’s embarrassing and it usually triggers deeper issues we try to bury on most days. 

I spent 6 months combing through the big swing and the big miss of YCOSMETICS 1.0. It was a  brutal exercise to make a checklist of the things I did during that first attempt at this and realize that nearly everything on the list was a miss. Doh! I looked at what was correctable…maybe explore a category that aligns better with my interests? Maybe align with a better team of people who are invested in my success beyond what they bill me? (That’s a biggie!). Better packaging? Better formulas? Less ego? More patience? It goes on and on.

I landed on IF I SAY YES. The Y in YES connects to the Y in YCOSMETICS. More on that later, if this swing makes any degree of contact…

IF I SAY YES is a collection of sexual health and wellness products that are equal parts coy (think Janet Jackson’s “If” - fucking timeless) and consent (the word “no” has historically dominated conversations around sex, when it really should be about the word “yes” and nothing less than that). 

Unlike my first swing at YCOSMETICS, IF I SAY YES and its first two products - LIP LUBE LOVE and HAND SOLO - reflect something meaningful. I am proud of their formulas in ways I could never say about my failed attempt at color cosmetics, and the packaging is still evolving, but lightyears better than version 1.0. 

Sex and sexuality are layered, but at their best, they should be fun, playful, and serve a purpose. The depth of that purpose is up to the participants, of course, but hopefully, it’s linked to a connection (long-term, short, or anything in between) and makes life more pleasurable. Literally. 


Will it be a hit? Will it be a miss? I guess all that matters is that I am a swinger.


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